Let's face it – love and lust are the forces that drive the world. Twenty years ago, I found myself on a date at a bar in San Francisco. It was a typical weekend evening, filled with indistinct music and a hum of conversations, the backdrop for a crowd of twenty-something hipsters under soft, reddish lighting.

In a corner, an older couple caught my attention. The woman, dressed elegantly in a black sheath dress and heels, had her golden hair styled in a modern bob that just touched her collarbone. Her companion, smartly dressed in a jacket and button-down shirt, appeared equally sophisticated. They weren't on a first date; their comfort with each other was evident as they seamlessly alternated between conversing with each other and those around them. Despite the bar being crowded, this couple captivated me.

Classy Kiss

The man then did something unforgettable. While his date was engaged in conversation with someone else, he gently moved behind her, slid her hair aside with two fingers, leaned in, and kissed her on the shoulder. He lingered there for a moment, eyes closed, savoring the scent of her skin. This brief act, lasting only five seconds, stayed with me for two decades. There was something incredibly provocative about it. Beyond my secret voyeuristic tendencies, I was thoroughly aroused. This seemingly simple act sparked an emotional response in me that I only understood much later. At that moment, I realized I wanted to be THAT woman being kissed by THAT man. This was the beginning of understanding my own desires. My date, unfortunately, was far from that ideal, and he left in a cab.

Pointless Pointers?

When I casually searched the internet for 'seduction,' I was overwhelmed by 95 million results, most offering techniques on how to seduce a woman. Ridiculous headlines like: "Looking to get a woman naked?" (Sure, that'll work), "Fast Seduction 101" (quick and basic – sounds thrilling), and my personal favorite, "Seduction Labs For Men" (nothing says 'I want you' more than being likened to a biology experiment). These pages were filled with tips ranging from what flowers to bring to pick-up lines guaranteed to work! It's clear there's a lot of useless information out there, but even more alarming is the idea that many people actually use this nonsense. I mean, seriously – are there really women who fall for 'mood' lighting and a romantic comedy soundtrack, or swoon at the line: “You must be the reason for global warming because you’re hot”? Apparently, there are, and good for them – whatever works! It must be working somehow, or else why would there be countless online guides dedicated to seduction techniques that seem better suited for a parody of The Bachelor? For me, seduction is more of a subtle art.

Simple and Sensuous

Ladies and gentlemen, here’s a sweeping generalization – seduction isn’t about sex, it’s about the sensuous. A touch, a scent, a lingering, unexpected kiss on a bare shoulder, a taste – these are the keys to seduction. Making someone feel like they’re the only person in the room at that moment creates a powerful allure. It’s often not the clichéd words and settings that seduce, but the simple, sensual gestures when you think no one is watching, or perhaps when you know everyone is, that provide the ultimate aphrodisiac. Just ask the woman in the sheath dress who was kissed on the shoulder. She felt it too. I saw it. She looked back at him with a sly, affirmative smile, took his hand, and led him out of the bar, no doubt to a night they’d never forget.